If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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