she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
