his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
