he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
