we're blogging at a bar
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
