my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
