I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
