I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize