one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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