Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
