about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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