i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
