I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
