i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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