When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
