i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
