great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
