she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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