Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
