Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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