I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
two words...techno handjob
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
