honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
