I want to stick my p in your. b.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
