This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize