I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
