also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I understand Curling. That high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
