You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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