I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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