I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I look better un-naked...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
