my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
