I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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