So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
