Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
