I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
