you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am naked and annoyed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
