yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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