Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got chris browned last night
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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