i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
