That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
