His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
