Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
