the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
