put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
