Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
