How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
