Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
