Small penises have feelings too.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
