the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You were trust falling into bushes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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