Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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