can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
