why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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