gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
