That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
