i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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