This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
