I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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