I just made out with a guy for $7.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
