dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my liver is dry heaving
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize