this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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