before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
