After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
