You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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