return my video game
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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