she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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