I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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