How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
