woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize