the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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