i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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