Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
