i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
