someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
