So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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