how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
